Anticlimax
by Natmonkey
Summary: Sent to kill Flemeth, the vague Warden cooks up a crazy plan which involves Alistair as well. Finally our filthy hero's identity stands revealed! Reviews are appreciated, as always.
1. Special Requests

_And now: an experiment. I normally finish a vague Warden story and post it in its entirety, but now I will do it in parts. To probe the reactions and such. I'm indebted to an anonymous reviewer called Scabbsalot, who claims that "Flemeth was absolutely gagging for it". This person gave me the idea of killing Flemeth in a very special way. _

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"I have been studying mother's grimoire," Morrigan announces suddenly as she is reclining with her cheek pressed again my chest. "Do you wish to hear what I have found?"

I sigh. "Not unless it's important. You know I'm not too crazy about magic." And I'm itching to get back to my own tent.

"Indeed!" She laughs heartily. "Do you still fear I will turn you into a toad?"

"No, not anymore. Surely you would've already done so by now." I twirl a lock of the girl's silky hair around my finger. "Fine then, tell me what you've found."

"I had hoped for a collection of her spells, but this is not it." She taps the cover of her book; the thing is never far away from her. "Here, in great detail, Flemeth explains the means by which she has survived for centuries."

I wait for further explanation, but apparently Morrigan wants to create some tension. Little do I care, but I'll humour the woman. "Well? How come that old bat is still alive then?"

"Flemeth has raised many daughters over her long lifetime, and though there are so many tales of Witches of the Wild, I have never seen one." Again she pauses. "And now I know why: Flemeth raises a daughter when her body becomes old and wizened, and at the right time, she takes her daughter's body for her own."

Whoa. That's some creepy stuff right there. "Huh." No wonder I used to be scared shitless of Morrigan and her insane mother. "I take it you want her to die?"

"I will not sit about like an empty sack waiting to be filled!" she cries out indignantly. Her hand moves slowly down my stomach. "Unless you are the one doing the filling, of course." Even though we just finished having it off, already she sounds like she's hungry for more. It's a good thing I'm a Grey Warden; otherwise I would probably have been dead by now.

"Hold on. How do we kill her?" This is important. I can't just let my sex drive run off with myself.

The delicate hand stops just above my navel. "Go back to Flemeth's hut in the Wilds, without me. Otherwise she might possess me upon death. Simply confront her and slay her quickly." With a sweet smile she continues her descent. "Surely a powerful individual such as yourself should be able to slay an old woman..." Her fingers begin stroking me firmly, her soft lips pressing light kisses to the side of my neck.

"Flemeth is not just some old woman." I'm almost ready to buckle to the witch's tender ministrations as an idea pops into my head. "Say, didn't you once scare Alistair with a story about your mother having company from time to time? What did she do with that company?"

"Exactly what I am about to do with you now." And so Morrigan slides her tight snatch over my hard cock, instantly burying it in paradise. She promptly starts riding me, slowly and sensually.

I reach up to grab her perky little boobies. "Sounds like a mission for Alistair and myself."

"Do not be ridiculous!" Morrigan instantly freezes. "She will kill you if you only take that foolish boy with you!" Her golden eyes have a shocked look to them.

"No, think about it. How could she resist a pair of handsome Grey Wardens in her bed?" My fingers squeezing into her nipples elicit a soft moan. "Besides, his templar training will come in handy if she tries to use magic."

The witch utters a low, throaty chuckle. "'Tis so typical you would consider bedding an old hag." Her hip-grinding continues. "But I must admit, your idea has its merits. Do you not find it strange to be so intimate with the foolish Warden?"

"No, not at all." The memory brings a smile to my face. "We've actually already shared a woman between us once." Ah, good times.

Morrigan gasps and moans. "Oh my. The increase in your size must mean the experience was pleasurable."

"Oh, yeah." The best part wasn't with the women; it was what we did together afterward that really blew my mind. I've never actually been with a man who was so inexperienced and eager. It was endearing and dead sexy at the same time. That nap he wanted to take? Never happened.

Never one to just idly lie there, I sit up and take over from the lovely witch, thrusting up hard and fast. Her beautiful face briefly takes on a surprised expression, before sliding back into the mask of pleasure I know so well. This is the most emotion she ever expresses, really. Apart from the discontent. "Ah Morrigan, you feel amazing." Coaxing her to lean back, I let her rest on my arms as I capture a hard nipple between my lips.

"Truly?" she moans. "So glad to hear of your approval." Soon the familiar sounds of pleasure and flesh slapping against flesh fill the tiny tent, loud enough to be heard outside. I'm pretty sure Oghren spies on us sometimes. Well, whatever keeps him from moping over his dead wife. I certainly don't mind an audience; it's not like I have time to be bothered by it. All of my attention goes into the pair of firm breasts pushed into my face, sucking on a nipple here, nibbling on sensitive flesh there. Touching the sides of her tits can make her screams particularly loud.

As usually Morrigan is pulling my hair and clawing at my shoulders. I've built up quite the impressive collection of scratches from our frequent encounters. Honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather have a woman who leaves me in mild pain than one who just lies there like a limp sack of flour. And this one is by far the most lively bed partner I've ever had. Screaming my name, vocalizing how good it feels to have my cock in her. Her unashamed behaviour sends pangs of lust into my gut; before long, I feel the familiar throbbing.

Apparently the witch feels it too. She tightens her cunt, instantly making me come. My teeth sink into her tender skin while my climax goes through me. For a whole ten seconds. Women are lucky; if they have them right, they can have orgasms that last much longer than men's. Once I had Morrigan quiver and grind against my tongue for a full minute. "That, my dear, was astonishingly good."

"So it was." The witch opens her mouth in a long yawn. "I am spent, as I am sure you are."

"Of course I'm not." In fact, I feel very energetic. Ready to go all night. "But I will leave you alone. I'll start discussing the plan to kill Flemeth with Alistair." I pick the woman up from my lap and lay her down on her bedroll.

She smiles lazily. "I am grateful for your assistance."

"No problem." I brush a few stray wisps of hair from her face. "Goodnight." I don't even get a response out of the girl anymore. Damn, but I'm good.


	2. Decisions, decisions

_You guys! Adding this story to your alerts but not reviewing... Naughty, naughty. Thanks for your review, Mapachita. If this chapter doesn't elicit more of a reaction from you people, well... _

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It's cold, as always. That's Ferelden for you. Even though there is still enough daylight left, someone already lit up a few logs. Alistair is sitting by the fire, contently munching away at a large slice of cheese. Lost in his own little world, judging from that silly grin on his face. I bet the trees are made of cheese there. My dog, who is lying at his feet, is rewarded with some from time to time. Where does the boy keep getting those things? His eyes instantly light up as soon as he sees me approach. "Hi!"

"Hey." I sit myself next to him, patting Maul (a perfect name for a ferocious war hound) on the back. His tongue lolls out in satisfied panting. "We need to talk."

"Oh," Alistair says in a small voice. Immediately he looks sad and dejected.

I lay my hand upon his leg, my fingers brushing the inside of his thigh. "Not about that."

"Whew." With a wide grin he wipes some imaginary sweat from his forehead. "So what is it?"

Better get this over with quickly. "We need to kill Flemeth."

"Oh?" His eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline. "Do we now? And why is that?"

I shrug. "Because if we don't, she will possess Morrigan's body. You met that creepy old bat; I for one, don't want her with us."

"Are you sure it's not because of the feelings you have for the woman?" He scowls and gestures at my hand resting on his leg. "You're wearing her ring."

"I was thinking of selling it though." I inspect the witch's gift. "It only increases my willpower, which I hardly use anyway."

Alistair snickers under his breath. "Obviously. You have the willpower of a potted plant, so you might actually want to keep it."

"Oh, very cute." I roll my eyes. "So, are you going to help me or not?"

The boy shoots me a curious look. "You make it sound as if we are the only ones to go."

"That's because we are."

"_Are you mad_? It's the legendary Flemeth we're talking about!" His eyes are wide with surprise and horror. "We can't just barge in and kill her!"

I chuckle. "No, but we can barge in, seduce her and kill her while she's nearly passed out from how well we nailed her."

"Ewww!" my colleague yells and jumps up. "That's disgusting! You sick, sick man!"

I grab his hand to get him to sit down again. "Sick, yes, but also brilliant. Admit it. Morrigan tells me her mother would invite men into her bed sometimes. And how could she resist two gorgeous specimens, right?"

"What's got into you?" Alistair allows me to pull him down, and scoots very, very close to me. I can feel the warmth of his body right through my clothes. "At first you were all_, she'll put us all in the pot, she will_! _Just you watch_!" he mimics my worries the very first time we met the witches. Rather well, I have to admit. "_She's a witch, I tell you; we shouldn't be talking to her_! Do you remember that?" He laughs heartily and bumps his shoulder against mine.

"Yeah well, I got over it." I cross my arms. "So kindly go fuck yourself."

"Don't be like that." A heated whisper, hot breath against my face. "Please don't be angry with me..." His tongue runs along the shell of my ear, his fingers fluttering down my side.

I swallow. "I don't see why I shouldn't be." It's impossible to get rid of the thickness in my throat whenever he does things like this. Where everyone can see us. "You mock me."

"I wouldn't dare." His lips press soft kisses along my jaw, down my neck. His hand sneaks down the inside of my leg, but then he abruptly rises. "Follow me and I'll make it up to you." All I can do is sit there, about to burst into flames as he walks off into the trees.

My head is spinning. I think my brain might have melted. When my mind has become a little less fuzzy, I find Maul staring at me in obvious shock. "What? You know I'd do anything with a pulse."

With a scared whine, he slowly begins slinking away.

"No, no, you're safe, my furry friend." I scratch him between the ears. "I meant anything _humanoid_ with a pulse."

This time I get a happy bark and wagging tail. Apparently my hound doesn't care whom I sleep with, as long as it's not him. Ugh, I'm not _that_ perverted. Witches, grannies and Chantry boys: yes. Whores: definitely. Animals: _no_. And certainly not my own mabari. How's that for awkward moments?

I get up. "I'll be right back, so keep an eye out in the meantime. And don't tell Morrigan about us; it'll be our little secret." A few firm strokes of the chest, and Maul happily promises not to tell. I think. Well, whatever; if I don't do something now, I'm going to burst right out of my pants. I walk into the general direction the other Warden went. Before long, my back is slammed against a tree. Hard.

"I need you," Alistair murmurs passionately before covering my body with his own. "I've been counting the hours since the last time we were together." I can't even get a word in edgewise as his tongue slips into my mouth. His kiss tastes of cheese; I would be amused if his hands weren't eagerly pulling up my shirt, exploring the skin underneath with his calloused fingers. Now why would I want to talk anyway, when there's a sexy boy here waiting for me to do naughty things with him?

A short gasp tumbles from my lips when his hand slides into my smalls to grab a firm hold of my erection. His hand rubs along the length at a perfect pace, at exactly the right pressure; he's learned so much in such a short time. "You're a little sticky there," he mutters against my neck. "Oh, it's from _Morrigan_, isn't it?" And just like that, all his previous fire is gone. Shit, I should've cleaned myself up before I came here. It's his fault really; how could he expect me not to come running after an offer like that?

"Hey, what's the matter with you?" I pull him close, and notice he's shaking a little. "Are you alright?"

"No." Alistair utters a long, trembling sigh as he leans against me. "Just the thought of you, with _her_... I can't stand it."

My fingers swirl through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. "Why? Why do you hate her so much?"

"_Because she's a complete and utter bitch_!" The sudden volume of his voice rings in my ears. "Sorry. And because I... I..." He keeps silent, biting his lip.

"Because you what?" I take his chin in my hand and force him to look me in the eye. "It's okay, you can tell me anything."

Another long sigh. "Because..." My fellow Warden takes a deep breath. "Because I would rather have you all to myself." In the dying light of day, I can still make out how he's blushing, eyes averted.

"I see." From the very start I knew he would have a problem with me still banging Morrigan. And seeing how she hates the boy's guts, I never bothered to tell her about us. I rather dislike getting yelled at, you see. So how much do I care about the witch anyway? Not all that much. She's a great lay, skilled in the bedroom and the proud owner of a fine body. All that still doesn't quite make up for all the complaining and glares whenever I try to do something nice for another. It's no mystery why I never stick around for long after I'm done with her. "You should let me think about this."

"Oh... sure." For a brief moment, Alistair bends down as if to kiss me, but apparently thinks better of it. "Goodnight," he mumbles pitifully before shuffling away.

"Yeah, goodnight." I slide down the tree, back still pressed against it, as I watch Chantry boy leave. Nice ass. Really nice. But every time I look at him, I get this awkwardly tight feeling in my chest. Shit, I can't even stop thinking of him sometimes. What the fuck is that about? This isn't like my usual encounters with men. Always casual, never more than once, and always with one who knows his stuff. Alistair was still untouched in _that_ sense, for crying out loud. We actually spent most of the time kissing and exploring each other. And when it was finally time to take his virginity as he'd wanted me to, I took the utmost care not to hurt him, to apply oil whenever possible to ensure a smooth run. And smooth it was. His ass felt so tight I nearly instantly blew my load.

I'm always looking out for myself, you know? My own neck, my own pleasure. Whenever I make a woman come, it's because her tightening muscles feel good around my cock, or (if she's not on it) because it means I have the skill to do it. For my male bed partners I've never actually done anything special to bring them off. It was their job to make sure _I_ was having a good time. And then Alistair came along, awakening the urge in me to ensure that he enjoyed everything as well. I kissed him, caressed him, made him come while I was fucking him. When I told him I didn't fancy other men, I was lying. I fancy them well enough; I just like women better. Or at least I thought so.

Strange. As he lay in my arms afterward, looking up at me with a great big smile on his face, I felt that odd sensation in my chest for the first time. I was seriously struck by how perfectly happy the boy looked. Even happier than the time I'd given him his mum's amulet back. And every time he's snuck into my tent in the dead of night since then, or I into his, I've been gentle with him, took things slowly. Never have I been rough. It's been great, really. First I fuck Morrigan senseless, then I enjoy my time with Alistair. Saving the best for last. The best? The best. The. Best. Better than Morrigan. Better than anyone else I've ever been with. The best. Not just good, but the absolute fucking _best_. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?


	3. I Choose You

_Thanks for the reviews, dear readers! Highly appreciated. And my thanks to Voltagelisa; I elaborated a bit on the Warden getting Alistair to help him in his crazy plan, which I wouldn't actually have done without her suggestion. I'd completely forgotten about it, actually XD. _

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Maul casts me an accusing glance when I pass the fire; I'm sure he saw Alistair stomping by and is afraid I upset his snack-providing friend. "I'm on my way to make it up to him, already!" I just can't stand getting glared at like this. As if Morrigan doesn't do it often enough. The hound responds with a cranky grunt that sounds a lot like: "You'd better."

As soon as I push away the tent flap, I hear a faint sniffling noise. This brings back memories; I found him like this after his night with Zevran too. My night with Wynne, gah. So funny how he was like a little brother to me then. Things have changed much over these past few weeks. I never thought I could become so... attached to someone. "Alistair?" I move into his tent and crouch beside him.

He looks up from his pillow. It's difficult to see, but it seems his eyes are swollen and his cheeks wet. Hmm. I get that strange feeling in my chest again. Near the heart. "What are you doing here?" he hiccups. "Shouldn't you be making sweet love to that bitch right now?" Again he buries his face in his pillow, continues sobbing.

Awkward. I'm not quite sure what to say. "Hey..."

My hand on his shoulder is immediately shrugged off. "No, go away."

"Will you listen to me?" Still no luck. All I get are some muffled curses about how I'm a horny son of a bitch who should've left him alone. Never mind the fact that he was the one to proposition me, not the other way around. The way I see it, I could leave now and go to Morrigan's tent to act my frustrations out on her, or pull some kind of stunt. And I know exactly what kind. Bah, I haven't even done this in at least a decade.

But as my dear mum always used to say: in for a silver, in for a crown. Here goes nothing. "_Talk to me softly, there's something in your eyes_." Hey, not too shabby! I gently touch his head and continue singing. "_Don't hang your head in sorrow and please don't cry_." With every word, the boy seems to calm down more. "_I know how you feel inside I, I've been there before_." The sniffling has stopped. "_Something is changing inside you, and don't you know..._" Better skip the sappy parts. "_And don't you cry tonight_..."

Alistair is no longer weeping into his pillow and looks at me in surprise. There is a faint smile on his face. I'll say it again: I'm so good. Is there _anything_ I can't do? Not be an arrogant twat, probably.

"_Don't you cry tonight, there's a heaven above you, baby_." I move my hand lower to wipe away his tears. "_And don't you cry tonight..._" I give him a little smile. "That's it. I cannot for the life of me remember the rest."

"That was lovely," he sniffles. "I had no idea you could sing like that."

I shrug. "Me neither. Last time I sang for someone else was when I was fifteen or so." Serenading the girl next door. It didn't get me into her knickers, but at least she was entertained. After that, she smacked me on the head with the flowers I'd picked her. I wasn't always this good with the ladies.

"Right." He sighs. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to tell you, that I..." Ugh. What _do_ I want to tell him? "Look, you should know that I don't care about Morrigan. I have never made 'sweet love' to her and I'm not planning on starting that anytime soon." Or at all. "I only sleep with her because she makes me feel good. Not here," I touch my hand to my heart. "But here." Now I point at my crotch.

Alistair chuckles and moves a little closer, lays his hand on my knee. "And uhm, where do I make you feel good?" He swallows thickly. "Here?" His fingers brush the left side of my chest. "Or... here?" The fire is back in his eyes as his hand moves between my legs for a teasing stroke. Well, I'm hard. Words fail me; his massaging hand feels so good, even through the fabric of my pants. "It's okay, you can tell me anything," the boy teases.

"I, uh... Both?" It's difficult to form... those things. Words, yes. "Y-yeah, definitely both." The jury is still out on whether the heart or the groin wins though. But right now, my cock would joyfully sing the entire Chant if it could.

"Exactly what I needed to hear." With a smile Alistair presses me down onto his bedroll and subsequently begins covering my face with kisses. "I'm sorry I overreacted like that." His hand never stops its stroking and squeezing motions, the other working to undo my shirt. A regular multitasker, this one. "You can sleep with that witch all you want, as long as you really like _me_."

I raise my arms so he can get rid of the shirt. "Of course I like you." I briefly tug at his hair. "That should be pretty obvious, right?"

"Uhuh," he mutters, squeezing into my erection. His lips move down my neck, down my chest. His night with Zev and the ones with me taught him so well. Before long my pants and smallclothes are bunched around my knees, my hard rod in Chantry boy's hand. "So..." I feel the soft wetness of his tongue on my skin and prop myself up on the elbows to watch him pleasure me. "What about Morrigan?" he asks with a mischievous smirk.

"Who?" I bare my teeth in a wide grin. "_Fuck_ her. You're much friendlier anyway."

A hearty laugh. "Are you sure about that?" His tongue flicks along the very tip. "After all, I don't have soft breasts, or a tight, wet... er, lady flower." Briefly his lips close around the end of my erection, sucking gently. "Oh Maker's breath, I just can't use those words you do." From my position I can see the tips of his ears have turned red.

"What, you're not embarrassed about having my cock in your mouth, but a few dirty words make you blush?" I can't help but chuckle at that.

Abruptly Alistair retreats to a far corner of the tent. "Oh no! I just licked another man's thingy!" he squeals dramatically, wiping at his mouth. "_Whatever was I thinking_?"

"Ah, me and my big mouth." My own hand takes over from his. "Guess I'll just have to do it myself..."

The boy's eyes intently follow the movements of my hand. "Are... are you that flexible?" His voice is thick with want. "Oh sod it, let's not waste anymore time." With that he takes off his shirt and throws it into my face. "I want you; I want you right now," he purrs seductively as he makes his way back to me.

"Good." I get on my knees and pull his warm body close to mine. His heart is beating as ridiculously quickly as my own. I bury my face in his neck to deeply breathe in his scent. "What is it about you that I like so much, I wonder?" My fingers trace the lines of the strong muscle in his back, my lips that of his collar bone.

"What's _not_ to like?" Alistair moans softly when I nip at the sensitive skin of his throat. "You have quite the catch here."

His reaction makes me laugh. "I'm rubbing off on you, aren't I?"

"Maybe. But let me rub something off on you now." His slick hand closes around my cock, no doubt preparing it for what we're about to do. Slow strokes, meticulously anointing my entire length, make me grow even more. The soft mewling I draw from Chantry boy's throat as I play with his nipples contributes as well. "Oh, you're so good..."

"I know." I bite down into his earlobe and ease his pants down his hips. "Aren't you lucky?" His hard-on taps mine as soon as it's free from its cage; this slight contact sends a jolt of electricity down my spine. "I'm going to enjoy you," I whisper into his ear.

"Yes!" He frantically grabs my hands to place them on his behind. "Please enjoy me." His hazel eyes are half-lidded, pure desire glowing from them.

I give his ass a little squeeze. Nice. "Bend over."

"Hmm, very smooth." With a slight chuckle he does as I say, eagerly presenting himself to me.

As much as I'd like to, I can't just dive right in. "Where's that oil? You'll need some preparation."

Momentarily the boy looks confused. "Huh? Oh, pocket." He reaches into his pants, hands me the tiny vial. "There's no need, really. I'm ready for you." Biting his lip, he sends me a longing look.

"Better safe than sorry. Wouldn't want to hurt you." I uncork it and pour some oil onto my fingers. A low moan sounds as I circle his entrance, feeling it twitch. Slowly I slide my finger in. So tight. "How's this?"

"Faster," he demands. "And put another one in."

I continue moving my single digit in and out. "Are you sure you can handle that?"

"Maker's breath man, you don't have to treat me like a delicate flower." The other Warden shoots me a perfunctory glare. "I won't break."

"Ah, but you _are_ a delicate flower, my little Chantry boy." My fingers dance along the curve of his spine. Still, who am I to argue? "But if you would rather move on to bigger things, you got it." The tip of my cock replaces my probing finger to rub at his opening. "Is this what you want?"

Immediately he pushes himself backwards, but I already saw it coming. Not yet. "Don't tease me!" It comes out in a whine. "I need you _now_."

"Oh?" I continue pestering him. "I'm right here. What is it you need from me, Alistair? Be specific." With a chuckle I give his bum a friendly pat.

"You know what I need." His words sound almost desperate. "I need to feel you inside of me."

Heh, great fun this. "Do you want me to put my finger back in?"

"No! _Will you just fuck me already_?" He looks back at me, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"See, that's what I needed to hear." And so I begin slowly inching my way into him. With every bit that slips in, I hear a delighted little groan. Before long I'm fully buried inside that deliciously tight ass. A few moments for him to adjust, and there we go. I start moving in and out at a slow pace, making long strokes. "How does this feel?"

A breathless moan escapes my mate's throat with every thrust. "Please, harder," he begs. A pleading expression lies in his eyes as he cranes his neck to look at me. "Don't be so gentle. Hurt me."

"Hurt you...?" Fuck, that's so hot. "No need to tell me twice." I pound his ass as hard and as fast as I can, almost bouncing back whenever I thrust all the way in. Nothing soft about this boy, save the skin his flesh is wrapped in. His muscles twitch and contract around me, hot and smooth. Tight. For good measure I decide on a forceful smack on the ass. A surprised scream echoes through the tent, as soon as my hand hits him. Not that I'm ashamed or anything, but it remains to be seen if the others are ready to know about our antics. I clasp my hand over the boy's mouth and slow my thrusts. "Now Alistair, if you don't keep it down somehow, I'm going to have to stop."

He wildly shakes his head, so I release him. "I'll be quiet," he whispers. "I promise." He gropes around for his pillow and buries his face in it.

"There's a good boy." I briefly pat his head before returning to mercilessly fucking him and raining down fierce slaps on his backside. Muffled though his screams are, they are still like music to my ears. Let's see if I can truly make him wriggle. My hand abandons its task to travel down his ribs, his hipbone and finally encircles his rod in a firm grip. He's so hard it barely yields; I bet I'm exactly the same right now. With the very first stroke, a tremor sets into his legs and his muffled screams become a low whimper. Very soon he throbs, the pulsation more and more violent with every pump of my hand. His arms collapse, his frame starts shaking. And then a grand finish: he pretty much explodes, sending hot seed trickling down my fingers. All the while the boy screams into his pillow, every muscle in his body tight as a bowstring.

The way his ass violently contracts around my cock is amazing; no cunt can become this tight, no matter how hard its owner tries. I don't want to come yet, I don't. I just want to enjoy this a little longer. Mmm, but it seems all I can do is a little longer; all this stimulation is too much for me. One last thrust and once again my mind is wrapped in pleasure, my body racked with tremors. And again it's really short.

I wrap an arm around Chantry boy's waist and move into a sitting position, taking him with me. He keenly swallows his own cum when I slip my fingers into his mouth. That must be one of the things I like so much about him. The fact that behind his pretty, innocent face there hides the personality of a dirty little slut. _My_ dirty slut.

"That was good." Alistair is leaning heavily against me, sighing blissfully.

"Good?" I idly stick a finger into his belly button. "Aren't we just full of compliments today?"

He chuckles. "Okay, it was _fantastic_." Suddenly his voice takes on a serious tone. "So uh..."

"Yes?"

"Are you really going to give Morrigan up for me?" His fingers thread through mine, tentatively, as if he's afraid I'll pull my hand away. It's new, but I don't mind, even though I get that tight feeling in my chest again.

"I have no choice." I nuzzle at his neck. "If I keep the both of you on, it's going to kill me."

He hums thoughtfully. "Aren't you going to miss her then?"

I scoff. "Miss her? Oh yes, I will long for her complaining and glaring. And the bloody marks down my back." A long, dramatic sigh. "Yes, I will miss her terribly! Woe is me, how this lonely existence tortures my poor soul..."

"I get it, I get it." The other Warden laughs. "Thank you." He squeezes into my hand.

"What for?" What is this terrible fluttering in my gut? I don't like it. It's like there's a colony of horseflies in there. "For choosing you over her?"

He nods. "Yes, and for the singing. I liked the singing."

"Oh, that." I'm glad he can't see my face; blushing isn't my thing. "Don't get used to it."

"Don't worry, I won't." Quietly he chuckles to himself. "So, about Flemeth, do we really have to do it like that? Couldn't we just take Sten and Shale, and kill her the good old-fashioned way?"

"Of course we could." But where's the fun in that? "I'm sure that would alarm her though; if we fuck her brains out, she'll be as harmless as a newborn baby. And then..." I run my finger across the boy's throat. "That's when I'll slit her fucking throat."

Alistair makes his thinking noise. "No, I think I prefer brute force. You're crazy, you know that?"

"Heh, yes, I know." My free arm wraps tightly around his body. "But I want to avoid a fight if we can. Let's go through with my plan, okay?" I rest my head again his shoulder and make my voice as sweet as possible to say: "Please? For me? _Pleeeeeease_ Alistair?" He's a sucker for this, I know it. Wrapping my arms tightly about him, I rock my body against his and cover his shoulder in little kisses. Cuddling. I can't believe I'm actually cuddling. I can't believe I actually _like_ it.

He groans loudly. "Oh, Maker's breath. I can't resist your cute act. Why can't I resist your cute act?"

"Because I'm irresistible. Does this mean that you and I are going to give the legendary Flemeth the ride of her very long life?"

A resigned sigh. "Fine! We'll do it your way. Disgusting." By the tone of his voice, I can tell he's not overstating his disgust.

"Don't worry, I'll do most of the work myself. You just be there, and look pretty." I carefully lay the boy down, cover him with his blanket. "You'd better get some sleep."

"Won't you..." A long yawn. "Won't you stay with me tonight?" His eyes are back to their usual innocent look, now with an extra sleepy touch.

"I can't." I briefly stroke his cheek. No idea why, but I do it anyway. He seems to like it. "Someone might find out."

Another long yawn. "Are you ashamed of me?"

I shake my head. "No. But I wouldn't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities. Morrigan's screaming has already brought me many a dirty look." The prospect of the coming days brings a smile to my face. "Besides, we have a mission. Just you and me."

"Yay." Alistair smiles, his eyes barely able to stay open. "Goodnight then." When I try to move outside, a hand snatches my wrist. "Gimme a kiss," he demands sleepily. His lips pucker up rather comically.

Again with the fluttering. Ugh. "Sure." I bend down to give him what he wants. "Sweet dreams."

I'm tempted to linger, to watch him sleep. To try and hear what he's mumbling about. Ruffle his hair, cover him with little kisses. He looks... cute. Really now, _cute_? I don't even think puppies and smiling babies are cute. And then there's the cuddling. This is so creepy. I'm not used to feeling affection, much less displaying it. I should get out of here before something weird happens.

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_The song the vague-ish Warden is singing here is _Don't Cry (original version)_, Guns 'n Roses. Do YouTube it if you get the chance; I realize it doesn't quite have the same effect if you don't know the melody and all that._


	4. Completely Lost

_Mapachita & Voltagelisa: thanks for your reviews. I'm pretty stoked that people actually take the time to read this and comment on it!

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"I think we're lost." Alistair peers at the map Morrigan drew us and then at the surroundings. "Yep, definitely lost. It's probably the lack of landmarks that does me in."

"You are useless at map reading!" I've so had it with this crap. Three days! Three days we've been wandering through this cold, misty swamp.

The boy scowls. "As if you're any better at it."

"No, I'm worse. Which is why you are in charge of it and I still get to blame you for this!" I wrap my arms around myself. Cold. And this place still gives me the creeps. "What if some crazy barbarian tries to kill and eat us?"

"I don't think the Chasind are cannibals." Alistair laughs. "Don't be such a baby."

I give him the finger. "Fuck you." What am I being such a prick about? It's not his fault I was too scared to watch where we were going the last time Morrigan guided us through this place. "I'm sorry."

"That's alright." He squeezes into my shoulder. "You're cold and tired. And whinier than a woman." A loud laugh echoes through the swamp. "Just kidding. How about we just call it a day and get warmed up?"

"Where do you get all this energy?" I sigh. "The cold here drains me."

He pats me on the head as if I'm a child. "Now now. We're mighty Grey Wardens! We don't tire, we don't grow cold and most of all, we don't whine." A smirk curves his lips. "Besides, I'm wearing four shirts, three pairs of socks and don't even get me started on the long underwear."

"Fine, oh mighty Grey Warden." I throw him my pack. "Start a fire, I'm going hunting."

When I've triumphantly returned with three dead rabbits, a fire is already crackling happily, our tent set up. These three days haven't exactly been wasted; it's so cold here, we have no choice but to huddle very close together. And fuck like there is no tomorrow. He wears me out even more than Morrigan did. I didn't have the guts tell her that we're through yet. Chances are she won't mind all that much, but what if she does and tries to turn me into a toad? I need to prepare a nice speech.

I get out my skinning knife to get the fur off our food and sit on the log, next to Alistair. _I'm sorry Morrigan, but_... No, I shouldn't apologize for this. Never show that woman any sign of weakness or anything that she might interpret as such. And it's not like I'm actually sorry. _Morrigan, you're a great lay, but I like pounding Alistair better_. Ho boy, that should earn me some nice expletives. _Morrigan, we need to talk; here is your ring back. It's been great, but I feel like I need to move on to something else_. Now that's better. Simple and to the point. It's not exactly nice, but Morrigan doesn't do nice.

I have honestly never had sex this many times with one and the same person. Mostly because I've not kept the same company for a long time. Two-bit whores here and there, eager lads and lasses I'd pick up in seedy taverns; it's people like that I used to get my jollies from. Running from the law is something you best do on your own. Partners can only bring trouble. The witch and me have been going on for months now. She should count herself lucky. Or unlucky, depending on how you see it.

"Mmm, dead rabbits." Alistair is intently watching me work. "You're good at that."

"Yes, I'm a man of many talents." And utmost modesty. I impale the first clean carcass on a pointy stick. "Start this one up, will you?"

He grins. "Right away, chief." The unfortunate animal is hung above the fire. "I'm so hungry! I don't think this will be enough." Another rabbit goes on a stick.

"I couldn't find thirty of them, so you'll have to make do." And so the last one is done. "Couldn't find any larger prey either." The last time we were here, we killed an entire pack of wolves. I wonder what wolf tastes like.

My companion laughs. "If I get too hungry, I'll just eat you." He promptly grabs me and starts nipping at my ear. "In fact, I think I'll just start right away and eat those rabbits for dessert."

"Careful now." I point my knife at him. "You wouldn't want to eat me; I'd give you terrible indigestion. Anyway, I'm going to wash my hands."

Alistair just nods, greedily eyeing the roasting rabbits. I'm sure he will hardly notice my absence. The water is a little distance away from our makeshift camp. It's everywhere, this being a swamp and all, but we made sure not to camp too close to it. Wouldn't want to sink away or anything. Bah, this blood gets stuck under the nails pretty badly. Not to mention the organ bits.

Two arms suddenly curve around my torso and pull me upwards; the blood freezes in my veins. Oh shit, I _knew_ there were crazy barbarians here! "Please don't eat me! I'll give you gas, indigestion _and_ the runs! Have mercy!" I don't want to die like this... Before long I'm on my back, a heavy body on top of me. A heavy body I thankfully know very, very well.

"You really need to relax," my assailant laughs. "Although hearing you beg is rather fun." With every word, a gust of roast rabbit scented breath hits my face.

"You ate everything, didn't you?" My poor heart. I'm usually not this jumpy, but the danger lurking behind every tree in the Wilds does this to me. I need to get the fuck out of here.

Alistair giggles guiltily. "Uhm yes, I did. My stomach took over, you know how that goes." His lips graze the sensitive spot just below my ear. "I'm sorry." He then begins covering every inch of bare skin on my neck with a little kiss and the occasional lick.

"I'm not really convinced." Oh yeah, let him work for my forgiveness. "I worked hard for those rabbits; now what am I supposed to eat?" My stomach rumbles loudly, as if to underline my words.

"I will make you forget all about that hunger," he whispers softly. The tone of his voice, that low hoarseness laced with more than a hint of want, makes me all weak in the knees. Whatever happened to being in control? Not that I mind though, especially with how skilled his hands are. Carefully he cups my balls, kneading them with exactly the right amount of pressure. I can't prevent a low moan from escaping my throat. "It's working already, isn't it?" With a gleeful chuckle he continues his ministrations, massaging me a little firmer now.

"Fine then." The hunger has lessened, only to be replaced by a hunger for something else. "If you show me how good you are with your mouth, I'll maybe consider thinking of forgiving you."

Alistair looks me in the eye and laughs. "You, ser, are a paragon of mercy." His hands begin to deftly open only the necessary clasps and buckles. Being exposed to the cold air almost does my erection in, but the warmth of his stroking hand quickly returns me to my full size. I catch a glimpse of a satisfied smirk when I moan again, and then his mouth joins his hand. My cock is enveloped in an almost searing heat as his tongue caresses along my length. Mmm, now I have no choice but to forgive the boy. Who could stay quasi-angry in light of such a fine treatment? Certainly not me.

I grab a handful of his hair to direct his speed, to make him go deeper. Even with the rear of his mouth pressing against me, he doesn't gag a single time. Good boy. I'm almost dizzy with pleasure, his expert tongue driving me crazy. Even more blood is pumped to my loins as my climax approaches with rapid strides. I push his head as deeply into my lap as it will go and finish; for an unusually long time my throbbing cock continues to send cum into the boy's mouth, my entire body shaking like a leaf. I hadn't even noticed it, but apparently I've been screaming my head off the entire time.

After neatly putting away his toys, Chantry boy bring his face level with mine and swallows audibly. Hot. "How about it? Am I forgiven?" he asks, mouth stretched into a wide grin.

"Right now I wouldn't even care if you'd raped my dog." I let out a long breath. _Fuck_, that was amazing.

He laughs incredulously. "Well, if that isn't what every man likes to hear..." In spite of the sarcastic sound of his voice (I have a funny way of expressing myself, I know), he bends down to kiss me. Ugh, I can taste my own seed on his tongue; it's not particularly tasty. My diet needs more fruit. Alistair flops onto his back next to me. "You know," he suddenly says, pointing at a nearby tree. "I have the distinct feeling that bird has been following us for days now."

In the top of that tree is a raven. Rather funny-looking bird, it is. From here I can see that this raven has golden eyes. Wait, wait, golden eyes? I bolt upright. "_Morrigan_!"

The raven caws, taking flight to land close to us. A flash of light, and the bird has become a beautiful, dark-haired woman, clad in leather skirts and a flimsy top. "Greetings, gentlemen," Morrigan purrs.

Alistair shrieks and hides behind me, quivering like a frightened little rabbit.

"Truly, it boggles the mind." The witch folds her arms before her chest as she gives us a look of curiosity. I'm trying my hardest not to look at the way her tits are pressed together. Because this is not the time for such things, I realize that.

"What does?" That shapeshifting business of hers is still a bit unnerving to me, but I can't let her see that. Chantry boy is already scared enough for the both of us. You know what I've always wondered about her changing forms? Why her clothes change along with her. You'd think that with them not really being a part of her body, they'd fall off her and she'd be naked as soon as she'd changed back to her human form. Yet this doesn't happen. That's what boggles _my_ mind.

Morrigan utters a low, throaty chuckle. "When your beast told me of your adventures with Alistair, I could scarcely believe it." Her tongue darts along her upper lip. "So I came to see it for myself, and oh, such _exhilarating_ things I have witnessed." She sounds as if she is actually turned on by it. Interesting.

"Look, I wanted to tell your earlier, but I didn't really know how." I slip her ring off my finger. "You can have this back now." No more treats for Maul. Bad dog, telling on me like that.

"You may keep it." She nods solemnly. "I did not give it you as a token of attachment; you know its purpose. It might still be useful."

Alistair pokes his head out from behind me. "She doesn't seem very angry, does she?"

"Indeed I am not," she replies almost cheerfully. "'Tis as I said at the very beginning: should you choose not to continue our misadventure, so be it." Her crimson lips curve into a smirk. "I assume your affair with Alistair means the end of ours?"

"You assume correctly." Somehow I think there will be a punishment for me in the near future, or maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe one day I will wake up, and find that I am a small, green creature that can only croak. And then she'll put me in the pot, she will.

"Very well." Her white teeth are bared in a suggestive smile as the witch approaches. "'Tis quite understandable, really. I myself have never been able to wring such screams from your lips."

Apparently quite uncomfortable with the situation, Alistair pipes up: "How long have you been following us, Morrigan?" His voice is a little shaky there.

The witch shrugs. "Ever since you left the camp."

"So you've watched us potter about this bloody swamp and you did nothing to help us?" The boy grunts angrily. "That's so typical."

"'Twas so very amusing to see," she giggles. "But I am here now, am I not?"

Finally! First we kill Flemeth, then we get to leave this place. "I'm glad you decided to help us. Please show us the way."

"I shall, but for now I fear 'tis too late." She looks at the darkening sky. "Flemeth's hut is still quite a distance away. We shall all have to spend the night here. Together."

"I'll guard the camp then." Alistair sighs. "Anything not to have to be in a tent with _her_," he mutters under his breath.

Morrigan laughs. "Certainly not. You will need your energy for tomorrow, Alistair. For Flemeth." She giggles suggestively. "Guard duty is mine."

"Please don't remind me." The boy groans loudly. "Well, goodnight." He quickly gets up to return to the camp. Hopefully it hasn't been raided by barbarians.

The witch directs her gaze at me. "I am sure you will need your sleep as well. 'Tis so very cold, no? Perhaps you should have Alistair warm you." A flash of lust glitters in her eyes.

"Good idea." I get up. "How much have you seen anyway?"

"I have seen what you would never have others see." She casts me a knowing glance. "I have seen that you are indeed capable of showing emotion."

I scoff. "Emotion? What is this _emotion_ you speak of?" My heart rate picks up. This doesn't bode well.

"Then what would you call watching the boy sleep, caressing his face and murmuring a song under your breath?" She laughs at my no doubt shocked expression. "What could this be but..."

"_That's enough_." I turn on my heel to return to camp. Annoying little bitch.


	5. Strange Bedfellows

_Not many responses for the previous chapter. What's the matter people, getting bored with this story? Need I remind you of the ugly-old-hag-sex that's coming up in the foreseeable future? Thanks for your review, Mapachita. _

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Inside the tent I find Alistair already tucked in and sleeping, the only visible part of him a tuft of blond hair poking out from under the covers. His clothes are all strewn about the place. Including that long underwear he was so proudly telling me about. Unsightly things. Stripped down to my smalls, I press myself against his back. Ah, warm as always.

The boy shivers. "Cold," he mutters sleepily.

"Sorry." I wrap an arm around his waist to draw him a little closer. The warmth of his body chases away the cold in mine.

His hand absently pats my arm. "Is okay." Very soon his breathing is deep and regular as before. Ugh, Morrigan's words are still tumbling through my mind. Of all the people who could've found out about us. Of all the things she could have seen. I wonder how though; we've always done these things in the tent and I would've certainly noticed someone peeking in. Between her and Alistair, I know I've made the right choice. At least I can properly talk to him, if we ever get around to that. He never glares or yells at me. And he is so eager too. Always ready for me. That annoying woman would sometimes tease me into an uncomfortable state of arousal and then leave me hanging high and dry.

Surely my Chantry boy would never do such a thing. "Alistair?" I nudge at his shoulder, nibble at the spot in his neck I know drives him utterly mad. My reward is a sleepy moan, but not much of a reaction, so let's take this a little further. I grab his hand and lay it on my crotch. "Want some?"

"Hmm?" His hand reflexively encircles my rod and gives it an inquisitive squeeze. "_Oh_. No, no, not with Morrigan just outside." The boy pulls his hand away from me as if bitten.

"No?" I continue nibbling and licking that sensitive patch of skin, my fingers tracing patterns low on his stomach. Grazing, but not quite touching. "Not even if we're very, very quiet?" I fold my fingers around his cock, just under the head, and trace little circles around the tip with my thumb.

Alistair chokes out a half-strangled moan. "No, don't..." He weakly tugs at my stroking hand.

"Hey, if that's what you want." I abruptly break away from him. "Goodnight." And now we wait.

Before long I feel him impatiently grinding himself against me. "I didn't mean you should stop." He grabs my hand and returns it to its old place. Wrapping his own hand around mine, he uses it to rub up and down his hard shaft.

"Last time I checked, that was what 'no don't' means." I place a row of kisses along his shoulder.

"I was just trying to play hard to get..." He moans as I sink my teeth into the scruff of his neck. Soon he releases my hand, pushing a small glass object into it. "Here. Get yourself ready; I can't wait to have your cock in me," he whispers huskily.

His unexpectedly filthy words send a tingle down my spine. Well, a tingle... More like an electrical storm. "I love it when you talk dirty." My hard-on throbs in my hand while I apply oil to it. I think hearing his words has actually made me bigger than I've ever been. Ah, you know what? Fuck this foreplay nonsense. If I don't get it in him right now, my cock's going to explode. Another coat of oil, and I push the first few inches up the boy's tight ass. He whimpers softly, his muscles contracting wildly around me. "Am I hurting you?"

"A... A little, yes." He moans, a mixture of pleasure and pain.

It's been a while since I pitied anyone. "Do you want me to stop?" I caress his side in an attempt to distract him from the pain.

"Oh Maker, no!" With a low groan he impales himself a bit farther on me. "I'll get used to it."

I ease the remainder of my length into him and pull the boy close. "If you say so." After a few moments I begin thrusting into him, short and shallow. "Can you feel that? Can you feel how big you've made me?"

"Ow! Yes." His voice comes out in a low, pitiful whimper. "Fuck me with that big cock of yours."

And just like that, I'm done. Biting into his shoulder to keep quiet, fierce stings of pleasure twist my guts as I come way too quickly. This hasn't happened in... ever. Except for that first time, but that doesn't count. Nobody can keep going for too long for the first time. "Congratulations, Chantry boy. You're the very first to give me a premature orgasm."

"Yay me!" Alistair laughs and wriggles his behind against me. "But it seems you're still hard, so keep going." He groans delightedly when I continue thrusting. "And stop calling me Chantry boy, will you? I'm a grown man, you know."

"Oh, I _know_ you are." My oil-slicked hand closes around his hard-on. "But I rather like the idea of corrupting an innocent, even if you aren't very innocent anymore." I nibble on his earlobe, drawing sweet little moans from him. "Does this still hurt?"

The wordless moaning under my attentions pretty much says it all. With every move I lay on him, his moaning becomes louder; apparently he doesn't care anymore if Morrigan hears us. Excellent. Now that I've already come once, I can keeping pounding into him, over and over and over again. Fuck, I can go all night and then have enough energy left to completely screw Flemeth's brains out tomorrow. A flash of light in the corner of my eye catches my attention.

Morrigan suddenly looms over us, biting her lower lip with glazed over eyes as she openly stares at Alistair's enraptured form. So enraptured he's not even noticed her presence yet. The witch gives me a seductive wink, slipping her hand into her top to squeeze her perky breast. Even through the loose, dark fabric I can see her nipples are proudly standing at attention. Maybe I should provide our spectator with a better view.

I turn up the covers so the woman can see our bodies fused together, my hand wrapped around his pulsating erection. In response the witch opens her mouth in a soundless gasp and eagerly begins divesting herself of her skirts. Supporting herself on one hand, she spreads her legs wide. Even from here I can see how she's dripping wet, pink folds glistening and pretty much beckoning me to lick the cream from them. Soon her delicate fingers begin tracing slow circles around her clit. The scent of her juices even reaches half-dazed Alistair. Sniffing loudly, he proclaims: "You're driving me crazy!" A moan escapes him. "It's as if I smell a woman in here. Wouldn't it be nice to have one? I would like to have a woman right now."

"Well then, tonight is your lucky night." I wrap my arms around his waist and change the position so we're both on our knees, facing Morrigan. "Look who showed up to play with us."

The girl's lips curve into a sexy smile, her half-lidded yellow eyes roaming my fellow Warden's frame with unveiled interest. Her fingers are still busily rubbing. Against me his body stiffens for a single moment. And then, with a growled curse the boy buries his face between her thighs. Sadly I can't see exactly what he's doing, but if Morrigan's delighted squeals are anything to go by, he is doing it well. Her hands tangle into his hair, clawing and pulling. Oh, is he going to be sore tomorrow.

The sight of this is so extremely hot, I can feel my thrusts becoming erratic. It takes me all of my focus to keep going in a steady rhythm, hard and quick. I'm quite sure I have more willpower than a potted plant. Obviously tasting the witch's cunt on his tongue has its effects on Alistair as well; his muscles spasm forcefully around me, his pleasured moans mingling with the woman's. After a short time, her lovely face takes on that familiar expression of utter bliss while she finishes. Her climactic screaming is loud enough to alert every darkspawn, barbarian and wild animal for miles around. Good thing there apparently aren't any here.

Leaving his prize on the ground like a moaning puddle, Alistair raises his upper body so it rests against mine. "She's not half bad." There is a smirk in his voice as he grabs the girl's still quivering form by the hips and raises her to his level, penetrating her snatch in one go. This provokes a pleasantly surprised shout from her. "Not bad at all." My colleague cranes his neck to briefly lock his Morrigan-flavoured lips with mine. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not." I can only smile at that worried look in his eyes. "It's good to see you two getting along for a change." I curve my arm around his hip and feel around until I find that sweet little nub of hers. "Nice and tight, isn't she?"

A low groan tumbles from his lips. "Especially if you do that to her, yeah." Rather than messing up my rhythm by thrusting into her, he simply slides her back and forth over his cock. "Ah, this is nice. I'd almost forgotten how good it feels to be with a woman."

"Better than being with me?" I continue stroking the witch as I brush my lips against the back of his neck. Goosebumps form on his skin under my touch, the slight pulsation against my fingers increases. All Morrigan does is moan blissfully; her pussy makes a wonderful wet sucking noise every time he is fully buried inside of her.

"Come to think of it..." Alistair eyes me curiously. "I've never actually had you like this. Why is that?"

This may sound crazy, but in the back of my mind is a door. Behind it is a single memory, so bad it's far beyond unpleasant. This door is heavy, kept tightly shut with several locks and bolts. Alistair's casual, and not entirely irrelevant question caused one of the bolts to unfasten, one of the locks to click open. Shards of old pain. "I... have my reasons."

"Hey, are you okay?" Hints of worry come between the heavy tones of arousal in his voice.

I forcefully yank his head in my direction and plunge my tongue into his mouth. Answering will only bring about more questions. Forget. I need to distract myself before that cat is fully out of the bag. That would thoroughly ruin this fine threesome, now wouldn't it? No need to open old wounds. I increase the pressure on the girl's clit; again she screams, her trembling legs sometimes grazing me.

Abruptly Alistair tears his mouth away from mine. I peek out from around his arm to see what's going on. He unceremoniously drops Morrigan, pulling out of her. A few quick strokes and he erupts all over her upper body. Grunting like a wild animal, the boy sends long strands of cum onto the dark fabric of the witch's top. Apparently she doesn't mind. With a seductive smile, she stirs into the drops that have landed on her tits and licks her fingers in a very, very erotic manner.

So erotic in fact, I can't help but come too. One last thrust so hard it would've sent Alistair flying forward if I weren't holding him tightly, and here it comes. Three whole seconds of mind-numbing pleasure. Of course I didn't necessarily mean that I could go all night without any interruptions. As soon as I've calmed down, my stomach growls loudly. "Ugh, I'm hungry." I locate my shirt and pull it over my head. "I better go hunting again."

"Have you finished all the dried meat I placed in your pack before you left?" the witch asks, casually folding her hands behind her head. "I did not see you eat it."

"I had no idea you'd done that." Wow, that's uncharacteristically kind of her. Like it's uncharacteristic for her to have it off with everybody's favourite not-quite-templar Warden. She must be as big an opportunist as I am. "Where's my pack, Chantry boy?"

He pokes me in the gut with his elbow. "It's by the fire, _thief guy_." With a content sigh he lies down beside Morrigan. "Bring me some too, will you?"

"Fine, fine." I put my pants back on and exit the tent. Brrr, it's cold. At least my pack's not far away. Once back inside, I'm greeted by the oddest sight. Alistair is lounging around, resting his head on Morrigan's lap. From completely hating each other to such an intimate situation. Somehow I'm a little worried. Certainly this is some kind of ill omen. But then I see something else: instead of her usual leathers, she's wearing a pair of Alistair's long underpants. I promptly drop my pack and burst out laughing. "Morrigan, those... _Bwahaha_!"

"Laugh if you must," she declares haughtily. "But these are so very comfortable."

Alistair chuckles. "Comfortable, yes, but they're still ugly."

"Just so you know, Alistair." The witch half-heartedly glowers at him. "This will change nothing between us."

"Of course not." He yawns. "Don't worry; I still think you're a complete and utter bitch."

This time she harrumphs, demonstratively turning away her head and crossing her arms. "Get off me, you fool."

"Gladly!" Sticking out his tongue, he rolls off her lap to rummage through my pack and emerge with a generous chunk of jerky. The cosy ambience in the tent is instantly replaced with an icy one. Whew. Thankfully the world will not be coming to an end yet.


	6. As a Kite

"Do we really have to, you know?" Alistair's voice is quivering as he looks nervously at the door. We're here. Morrigan expressly ordered me to get the real grimoire off her mother's corpse before she turned into a bird again and left us to our own devices. All the while she guided us here, the woman kept giving Alistair these lustful stares. I understand though; he is a very attractive young man, after all. Too bad for her he's all mine. I'm not jealous or anything; I'm just glad I'm rid of her. Hm, Flemeth. This is going to be interesting.

I shrug. "Yes, we do. What better bait than a fetching young man such as yourself, hm?"

"Aww..." As he giggles awkwardly, I can practically hear the blushing in his voice.

"Ready or not, let's get this show on the road." I knock at the door. No reaction. I knock again, and pick up some shuffling footsteps from inside the hut.

Slowly the door opens; Flemeth's withered face peers out. "Oh, Wardens." She looks as shitty as the last time we saw her. "What business brings you here?" Ugly old hag or no, she has a lovely deep voice. That voice and her striking eyes are all the woman has going for her. Perhaps she was very beautiful in her youth, if Morrigan is anything to go by. If the girl's not a stolen child.

"We were in the neighbourhood, so we decided to drop by." I smile warmly at her. "May we come in?"

"Certainly." The old woman opens the door fully and looks the two of us up and down. "I will never turn away pleasant company." Pleasant, are we? I knew it.

Ah, this is going the right way already. While we're having herbal tea or whatever it is legendary abominations drink, I'll bring up that Morrigan sometimes entertained me with stories of her mother's conquests and reveal the "true" reason we're here: I got curious as to her abilities in the bedroom and brought my close friend (also curious) to see for ourselves how the legendary Flemeth might entertain us. Naturally, she'll bite. How could she not?

Gesturing for us to sit on her bed while she settles into her rocking chair, Flemeth says: "So you young men have become lovers, I see."

"You don't mince words, do you?" I can't help but laugh at the woman's deadpan statement. "How did you know? " Beside me Chantry boy is fidgeting nervously, his face as red as a poppy.

"No need to be ashamed, lad." The old witch laughs heartily at my mate's expense. Her joints creak as she rocks in her chair; if I were as worn out as she seems to be, I would like to have a new body too. "I can tell from the way you look at your fellow Warden. As for you," her warm brown eyes shift to me, "you will find out for yourself soon enough." Fucking riddles. She cackles loudly, produces a bundle of dried herbs and a pipe from her pocket. "You don't mind if I smoke, do you, gentlemen?" Her wrinkled fingers stuff the herbs into the pipe, not without difficulty. "It helps these old joints of mine."

Finally Alistair overcomes his shyness. "No, please, go ahead." He scratches his head. "This is your house, after all."

"Of course! I was merely being polite." Flemeth conjures a flame from nowhere to light her pipe with. A content sigh emerges from her shrivelled lips as she takes a long drag and blows out a large amount of smoke. Very fragrant smoke. That there's not normal tobacco.

My fellow Warden sniffs audibly. "Smells sweet. What is that?"

"A kind of grass. It's a narcotic." I grin at him. "You smoke it, and after a few drags, you'll be floating on air."

He quirks an eyebrow at me. "Somehow it doesn't surprise me you know so much about this."

"Where are my manners?" The old woman giggles and offers me the pipe. "Join me, lads." Her voice has become sluggish, her demeanour utterly relaxed. Looks like some good stuff.

Frankly, I'm not looking forward to sticking my cock into her shrivelled old cunt. What could she be hiding underneath that brown burlap sack she's wearing? I'll bet my boots she's not in as good a shape as Wynne. Ah, Wynne. "Thank you very much." One deep drag, and all my limbs go slack. Hee. _Really_ good stuff. I'm a lightweight when it comes to narcotics. "Wanna try some?" I offer my friend the pipe and he reluctantly takes it.

"How? Do I... Are you _giggling_?" He gives me the funniest look I've ever seen. This whole situation is funny. Having sex with an ancient abomination. I really must be daft. Woo! Off with the shirt, let's get naked. Naked is good.

I flop onto my back, resting my head on his lap. The ceiling won't hold still. "Totally! Come on, try it. Just take the narrow end in your mouth and breathe in deep." Hee... Take the narrow end in your mouth! Funny. It's been too long since I got high like this. I don't remember the last time I felt this giddy. And happy! Really, really happy. Joy!

"Alright then, here goes." He takes a long drag and immediately starts hacking his lungs out. "Water!" he croaks. "Give me water!"

Oh no, poor Alistair! I scramble to pull my waterskin from my pack. "Here you are." I pat his back while he drinks greedily. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks. Why are you grinning at me like that?" He hands me back the pipe, looking all funny at me again. His face is close to mine. Wow, all colours are so very, very bright. Everything is so sharp too. Surely this is the handsomest man I've ever seen. Beautiful sparkly eyes, soft lips that I could kiss for hours and hours and hours on end... I sound like a lovesick wench, but you know what? A big fat _whatever_. Who cares? Another hit. Man, this is good.

"Grinning, me?" I sigh deeply and stare at his face. "You're gorgeous, you know that?" I softly press my lips to his; a hard pang of lust stabs into my innards. Well, what do you know? I'm not just giggly and incoherent, I'm really horny as well. No time like the present! I pull the laces from his shirt and slip the thing down his shoulders. Mmm, firm but soft.

Alistair gently pushes me away. "You get really different from this stuff." The item in my hand is suddenly gone. "I think you've had enough."

"Noooo!" I try to grab it from him, but keep missing. Stupid coordination. "It's really good. Try it again." Oh, right... "It might have no effect at all the very first time you try it though." Hee, this guy is too cute. Can't keep my hands off him. "Come here you."

"Flemeth, do people always become this affectionate from this grass?" he asks, trying to fend off my advances. At least I managed to get his shirt off. Why is he being so difficult? Bleh. I can't believe I considered doing Flemeth. Hideous old bag. But I promised Morrigan we'd take care of things, and so we will. I keep my promises. If I remember them.

The old witch laughs, slowly and languidly. "That fully depends on the mood they are in. It would seem that your friend is feeling a bit amorous."

I throw my mate onto the bed and land on top of him. "Aha! _Gotcha_!" He squirms furiously as I try to shower him with kisses, but I'm not going to let go that easily. If anything, I'm persistent.

"Don't struggle, Warden." Flemeth has put on a very sage-like voice. "You are young, enjoy the time you have together. Simply pretend old Flemeth isn't here." She utters a low chuckle that sounds exactly like I'm feeling. Must be looking forward to watching us rolling around naked, limbs tangled together, sweat-slicked skin glistening. Now I'm turning myself on. "Do give me back my pipe, will you?" the hag demands, impatiently holding out a wrinkled hand. That's a lot of wrinkles. Good thing I won't become old enough to get this ugly. Heh, I won't even get to become sixty. That's funny.

I snatch the pipe from Alistair and hand it back. "Here you are." I nibble on the sensitive part of the boy's throat, eliciting a low moan. "Listen to her, sweetness. Wouldn't you like to have a little fun with me?" His body becomes more malleable to my touch.

"Did you just call me sweetness?" Another funny look. Well, I didn't mean to! "I can't do this, not with an _audience_!"

"Audience?" I cup his face in my hand and briefly brush my lips against his. "What audience? I don't see anybody here but you and me." And he had no qualms about me fucking him in front of Morrigan. Maybe that's different, because she's a hot young thing and this is a creepy old hag. We'll see if my smooth talking has its desired effect.


	7. Anticlimax

Strong arms fall around my waist. "Well, if you put it like that..." Ah, a few well-chosen words, and the boy is like putty in my hands. I knew he would bite. But then his tongue slips into my mouth, his slightly rough hands tracing random patterns on my back and it feels like _I'm_ the one turning into a boneless mass. Happy grass makes me weak, but a good kind of weak. Why haven't I pleased Alistair better, all those times we've been together? Sure, I've used my hands plenty, but never have I put my mouth where it counts most. I should use my mouth on him. Yeah. He'd like that.

I blaze a trail of hot kisses down his neck, down his broad chest. A groan rises from his throat when I catch a nipple in my mouth, teasing the little thing with lips, tongue and teeth until his moans grow louder. Rinse and repeat on the other one and then down those beautiful washboard abs. What's wrong with me? Is it so wrong to enjoy pleasing another man? Can't possibly be wrong if it feels this right. Hee, cliché. Funny. Well, it's not like I'm a bloody writer or anything. No need to be all poetic. Wait, wasn't I supposed to do something else? Ah, who cares? I'll remember what it was eventually.

Immediately after I lay my hand on his groin, his hands tangle into my hair. His nails, short and blunt thankfully, graze my scalp with every one of my movements; with my tongue I trace the lines of his abdominal muscles, press a kiss to every inch of bare skin. Hmm, I can't think of anything else than having his cock in my mouth. Wonder what it tastes like. The sweat on his skin is salty, nice. Suddenly my stomach rumbles loudly. The image of a rare steak, delicious charred lines on it, drizzled with a rich, herby sauce and a great big pile of greasy chips pops into my mind. "Got the munchies."

"Oh, I have something for you." His voice is very, very deep. And sexy. Not your typical Chantry boy. It sets me on fire. Without warning he pushes my head down, tapping his hard-on against my lips. Which he apparently bared without me knowing. Hee, I'm not complaining.

"Silly! You know I can't eat that..." I give the tip a little kiss; a long shudder travels through the body underneath me. Can't wait until he's shaking and screaming from all the things I do to him. No bad things of course. Only really, really good things. I know what I'm doing. I've seen and felt it done dozens of times and I'm a quick learner.

His fingers run through my hair in what feels like a gentle caress. "That's not what I meant. If you're a good boy and suck long and hard enough, you get a reward." Normally I'd laugh it away, but the sound of his voice, so hoarse and dominant, gets me hot and bothered. It's time for me to give, and not just take. Whoa, that's deep, man. Anyway, he'll never hurt me, I'm sure of it. Alistair is a good guy. I like him a lot. I like him more than anyone I've ever been with. Just hadn't realized it before.

"Ooh, I love rewards!" Everything I say comes out in a damned giggle. I can't help it; I'm just so... overjoyed. Enough thinking. Firmly I grab his reward-dispenser at the base and lick away the clear droplet that's formed at the tip. Mmm, nice. More please. My tongue swirls around the head while my hand rubs up and down his length. The skin is so soft. I should play with this more often. Oh wait, I have one of my own. I could play with his and my own, _at the same time_! That should be great fun. Sucking and rubbing vigorously, my free hand fumbles to undo my belt. Crap. Stupid coordination. Stupid belt.

A long-drawn, loud moan accompanied by a whisper of my name echoes through the hut when I suck the boy's balls into my mouth. What, no praises to the Maker this time? Only praises to me. I must be doing very well. In my hands his cock grows even larger, throbbing fiercely under my firm strokes. Oh, I know what _that_ means. I release his testicles and take the throbbing organ in my mouth, as deeply as I can. In mere moments I feel the first drops trickling onto my tongue, while Alistair digs his fingers into my scalp and screams my name. Long strands of bitter cum splatter against the roof of my mouth; it's not much of a reward, to be perfectly honest. But his quivering body and content groans are reward enough for me.

I swallow all of it and kiss my way back up. Aww. That face of his, rosy with satisfaction. It's the sweetest sight; I could stare at it for hours. I don't know why I was so secretive about it before. Oh, no, yes, I do know. Issues with affection. "Was I any good?"

"Didn't you hear me scream?" He grins happily. "You were very, very good."

"Thanks." I nuzzle at his neck, running my fingers through his hair. So soft. "Alistair?"

Lazy laughter rumbles in his chest. "I know the routine. Pants down and bend over. Just give me a moment to regain consciousness, will you?"

"No, uhm..." I lie beside him and prop my head up so I can look him in the eye. "I was wondering if maybe..." This is so difficult to ask, I swear. I bite my lip. "Maybe you'd like to have _me_ for a change?" There. It's out. But that shocked look in his eyes is telling me I went a little too far with this one. Crap.

He swallows thickly. "Really? And just the other day..." His shock quickly turns to concern as he cups my face in his hands. "When I asked you about it yesterday, you got this strange look in your eyes. So I thought about it..."

"Why? I don't even think about it." No ser, that door's going to stay tightly shut. _Don't let the cat out_!

"Something happened to you, right?" His thumbs gently stroke my cheeks. "Something bad?"

I feel a twitch in my left eye. "Yes, very bad." I sigh. "Look, I will tell you about it eventually, but not now. Bottom line is, I trust you." My hand creeps down his stomach. "I want you." I need you.

"Are you sure?" He gasps upon feeling my fingers around his cock. "Okay, I guess you are." Moaning under my ministrations, he sits up and takes me with him. "I'll take good care of you." The look in his eyes is so warm, I'm almost getting all teary-eyed. I'd always thought I was a heartless bastard.

"I know." A tear escapes my eye as I smile; sneaky little buggers. "You always do." Our lips meet, our tongues tangle together, and I feel like I'm floating on air. I'm not sure if it's because of the grass. It's probably 100% Alistair-induced. Don't know what's happening, but I like it.

With a wistful sigh he releases me. "Would you like to be on top? So you have full control?"

"Oh, that's good thinking." I pinch his cheeks. "You're so _smart_!"

"Yeah, right. Come here." Positioning himself on the side of the bed, he pulls me onto his lap. My back is pressed close to his chest, where I can feel his heartbeat. It's quick. Warm breath blows across my neck as his fingers randomly move about my torso.

Right in front of me is a rocking chair enveloped in a ridiculous amount of smoke. The only part of the person in it that's visible, is a pair of legs in an ugly brown skirt. I'd completely forgotten about him. Or her. It. Oh man, I'm so high.

I giggle. "Have I already told you I like having an audience?"

"Yes, you certainly have," the other Warden whispers. "Now stop talking."

I abruptly snap my jaw shut; one hand carefully strokes my hard-on, right through my pants. The other fondles my chest, occasionally grazing my nipples. My mind's going fuzzier. "Please, take me. Don't make me wait." And now I've been reduced to begging. The worst thing is, I don't mind.

"I said, stop talking." Shut up. I can do that. Alistair plies my body with his fingers, with his lips, with his tongue and with his teeth until I'm squirming in his arms. I'd like to beg him to just fuck me already, but he said I should stop talking so I better not talk. Or I might not get any at all. Just when I notice my trousers are already around my knees, a thoroughly lubricated finger slips in.

A sound like a mixture between a gasp and a moan exits my throat. Ooh, that's _good_.

"I think you can take another." And so one finger becomes two, slowly sliding in and out. It's been so long since anyone has done this for me. I'd forgotten how good it feels; although that thing behind the door will make you want to forget about a lot of things. "How is this?" He laughs when I keep quiet. "You can answer questions."

"It's nice, but I can think of something better." I turn my head to peck the boy on the lips.

A pleased chuckle sounds in my ear. "What is it you want? Tell me."

"I want _you_." Nothing happens. "Oh, more specifically? I would like to feel your hard cock up my ass, slowly stretching me out. And then, I'd _love_ it if you would fuck me." There. Can't get a lot more specific than that. Our spectator, still veiled in smoke, whistles and claps slowly. I'm awesome, I know.

A soft, wet tongue runs along the shell of my ear. "Very detailed. Now you take everything off, and I'll get ready too." Those two delightful fingers leave me. I can't wait to have something bigger in there.

"Okay!" I hop off his lap and kick my boots away, pants come off too. Socks, gone. "Done."

"Good, come here." He grabs me by the hips, pulling me back onto his lap. Something really big is pressing against my entrance. Oh, uh oh. Well, now that I'm as high as a kite, this isn't going to hurt, I think. "Lower yourself, be careful."

More giggling. "Don't be silly. I'll be just fine!" One firm push, and the first inch or two slips in. "See?" My voice is incredibly high-pitched. But this is just so _good_! No pain at all. Good stuff. I go lower and lower; it seems like there's no end to him. The jury has concluded that Alistair's cock is bigger than mine. I'll go lick my wounds when I'm back to my usual self. Right now I'll just stick to moaning.

"Maker's breath, you're tight," he groans into my ear. "No pain?"

I wriggle my backside. Oh, he rubs up against this spot that feels especially nice. "No." I raise myself a little, then go down again. Slowly, slowly. I close my eyes and continue grinding myself against him. It feels as if his hands and lips are everywhere at the same time. So intense. Next time we're in Denerim, I'm going to get myself some good shit and show my little Chantry boy all about the joys of getting high. Pressure builds in my gut, my heart beating so fast it could vibrate from my ribcage at any moment. I turn my head and manage to find his lips, even with my eyes closed. Before long his tongue slips into my mouth. Oh, dear Alistair; I should've let you do this a long time ago. The way his skilled hands play me like I'm some kind of music instrument nearly drives me crazy. Oh, fuck, yes.

Strange. I feel something warm and wet around the end of my cock. Can't be my mate's mouth, it's busy elsewhere. Odd. So I look down and almost scream when I see a tousled mop of grey hair between my legs. A wrinkled face peers up at me, shrivelled lips pursed around my erection. A miracle I'm still up. "Oh hello Flemeth. When did you get here?"

"When did I...?" The old witch cackles amusedly. "It was not my intention to interfere, Warden, but this fellow here was practically calling my name." She renews her attack on me, sucking hard. Hideous old hag or no, she gives head like a maniac. If I close my eyes and pretend it's someone else down there, I'll be all good. Hmm, what if I had not one, but _two_ Alistairs to play with? Awesome. I wonder if he perhaps has a nice brother. That bitch sister of his is definitely out of the question. I grab Flemeth by her hair to keep her in place while I move up and down Chantry boy's cock, simultaneously thrusting into her mouth. Gah, it's like I'm holding a bunch of straw. Yuck.

Between kisses, my fellow Warden mumbles something against my neck that I can't quite make out. I swear, it's like he has ten hands.

I'd like to know what he was saying though. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

His mouth moves very close to my ear. "I love you."

My heart skips several beats, my motions still. "You what?" I've just been hit in the face with a mallet. You have to be fucking kidding me. Love? _Me_? Impossible.

"_I love you_." His words ring clear and they seem to linger in the air. Flemeth promptly releases me, clasping her hands to her face. With a loud gasp, she gleefully mumbles something about romance novels. A moment of clarity. I remember what we came here for in the first place. Well, there's no time like the present, is there? Clutching my knees around either side of her head, tight as a vice, I give a sharp twist. One sickening crack, and the woman collapses onto the floor. She lies there like a marionette whose strings have been cut.

Alistair looks over my shoulder. "Well, that's somewhat of an anticlimax. I was fully expecting to stumble out of here, covered in blood. Is she really dead?"

I nudge her unmoving form with my foot. "As a doornail. Would you rather I butchered her?"

"No, this works just fine for me." There's a smirk in his voice as he whispers: "Let's finish this and then get out of here." Already he's eagerly thrusting upward, as if nothing fucking happened.

But me, I've lost all appetite for this. I think he knocked all of the dope right out of my system. "Let's just get out of here." I rise and move to look for my things. Oh, shit, I'm going to be sore for days now. This is why I stopped using; I lose control and do stupid things.

"Oh, sure." He sounds disappointed. "Are you angry with me? I'm sorry I said that, I just..." His voice breaks and trails off.

Look at him, tears streaming from his eyes, lower lip trembling. There is that feeling again. I can't stand to see him like this, but this has to end. He's already become far too attached to me than he should. "I'm not angry, I just think this is going too far." Socks already on, I pull my pants back up.

"What do you mean?" Sobbing softly, he pulls his shirt over his head. "Are you going to say what I think you are?" Never have I seen him sadder, not even when his sister turned out to be a gold-digging harpy. And this is my fault. But he will be grateful for it eventually. I'm no good. No good at all.

"I'm sorry, Alistair." I sigh. "You and me, this can't go on any longer. I'm not even sure we should've ever even started it. It's over." I'm a cruel bastard, I know that. This still needs to be done. It must be.

While poor Chantry boy curls into a ball and cries vehemently, I'm going to look for this magic book Morrigan wanted. He'll get over it. Surely I'm not that special? For all my bluster and big mouth, I know I'm not worth all that much. Alistair deserves better than a common thief, he does. I know I've done the right thing, so why do I feel so fucking empty inside?


	8. The Best Thing

_You didn't really think I would end it on that shitty note, did you?_

* * *

For the first night in a very long time, I'm all alone in my tent. The trip back from the Wilds was uneventful; we didn't get lost this time, and we weren't jumped by barbarians or darkspawn. It was pretty awkward though. Alistair wouldn't stop crying, and I couldn't very well take him in my arms and comfort him, seeing how I'd been the one to break his heart. I feel like a despicable human being, a walking talking piece of scum. Which is good, because I am. He really deserves better than me. Maybe I should try fixing him up with Leliana; she's a nice girl. A little uptight when it comes to more carnal matters, but she's very sweet and pretty. Would he even be interested in her? I might have ruined it for everybody. Not to mention myself. I can't even sleep. Way to go, dumb fuck. Well done.

Morrigan was right pleased with her new book. At least that's something. She seemed to pick up that something had gone awry between Alistair and myself, but she said nothing of it. If only he hadn't told me he loves me. That... That's where I draw the line. Not that anyone has ever said anything of the like to me. I've never said such a thing to another either. Yeah, to my mum, when I was little. I didn't think anyone _but_ my mother could ever love me. Apparently I was wrong. So how do I feel? I don't know. I've never felt like this in my entire life. Can't stop thinking about him. And now thinking about him hurts. He probably hates my guts now. Better that he hates me though, because if he doesn't... I've already corrupted that poor innocent thing far too much. I'm bad news.

Perhaps I may still be redeemed though. I think Chantry boy has had a positive influence on me, making me more calm and collected. Maybe it's time I opened that door and let him in on my secrets. It will be painful, but I owe him that at least. It might already be too late. With a few words I pushed the lad away from me, broke his heart. I could've handled that better. Still, the future king of Ferelden can't be with someone like me. I may be a Grey Warden now, but eventually my past will catch up with me. It always does. And then it could seriously hurt him. There is no way I would willingly provide anyone with a way to harm him. I've already done enough myself. How could I have been so stupid? Because I think I know what that vague feeling in my heart is, the one I get whenever I'm near him or think of him. I've probably known all along, but I didn't want to face it. See, with it comes commitment, and I like my freedom. For him though, I might just be willing to give it up. No, I _am_ willing. Without a doubt.

The tent flap opens, and my heart begins racing in my chest. Al...? Oh, it's Maul. He pads in, drooping conspicuously. "Hey, boy. What are you doing in here?" With a sad little whimper the hound lies down beside me, his massive head resting on my ribs. He's very heavy. I scratch him between the ears. "What's wrong?"

Sadly I can't understand him, but the pitiful whining speaks volumes. "I take it you've seen the state Alistair is in." I really fucked this one up. Maul's quite fond of the boy too, and he's probably going to suffer for my stupidity as well.

Leaning on my chest with one of his front paws, the mabari raises his head and utters a series of barks and growls at me.

"Yeah, I have no idea what you're saying. But you want to talk to me, right?" He barks, his typical confirmation. I get up. "Come on then, let's go find Morrigan. She can help me understand you." It's a good thing the witch speaks his language. Sten seems to understand him as well, but you know, my goings on with Alistair are none of his bloody business. I need more complaining about my poor judgment like I need a hole between the eyes.

Morrigan is lying on her stomach, her nose buried in her precious grimoire. Apparently it's so good, she doesn't even notice us. "Morrigan? I need your help."

"Yes?" She coolly gazes in my direction. "What do you need my help with?"

"Maul wants to tell me something, but I can't understand him. I need you to translate for me."

She sits up and stretches her body languorously. "Very well. Speak." Nodding her head from time to time, she listens intently to the dog's barks, growls and whines. "So, would you like to hear it word for word, or simply the gist of it?"

"Your choice."

The witch shrugs. "Very well, then I shall paraphrase. Your beast wishes to know why you hurt his friend so. 'Tis obvious to him that you and Alistair have mated for life, in his words. So," she places her hand before her mouth and giggles, "Maul is of the firm belief that Alistair should have your puppies." With a loud snort she bursts out laughing. I've never heard the woman really, truly laugh before. "Oh, that is priceless. You do realize, dog, that your master and his mate are both males?"

Maul utters another series of barks. Still chuckling, Morrigan wipes the tears from her eyes. "So that is your way of saying they belong together, very well." With a slight sigh her gaze fixes on me. "Do you wish to hear my opinion on the matter?"

"Sure, why not." I bet this is where she tells me we're better off without each other, blah, blah. Tell me something I don't know. This just needs to wear off. All we need is time.

"Maul is right, you know." She crosses her arms before her chest and looks me square in the eye, all previous glee gone from her features.

Did I just hear that right? "Come again?"

"You recall that I told you that love is fleeting and meaningless, correct?" I recall that very well, in fact, so I nod. She continues: "Witnessing firsthand the way that you adore that foolish boy, which is beyond me really, has truly touched me." Her hands meet above her left breast as she sends me a mockingly emotional look.

"You're messing with me, aren't you?" I pet Maul, who's rubbing his snout against my leg while whimpering sadly. "Look boy, I didn't mean to hurt him, I really didn't. It's for his own good."

Morrigan translates his disdainful bark as: "He finds that hard to believe. In any case, you know I am hardly impressed by the feelings you harbour toward your fellow Warden, but still..." Her pretty face takes on a sly expression. "I must admit I enjoy watching you lads couple. 'Tis truly a very sensuous sight." She licks her lips and positions herself on her stomach again. "So go." Casually she shoos me away, not even making the effort to look at me as she picks up her book. "Beg for the boy's forgiveness; if lovemaking ensues, so be it. And were you to hear suspicious noises during the act..." A satisfied smirk curves her lips. "Do not be alarmed; 'twill only be I."

"Duly noted." I look down on my hound. He's still mewling very sadly. "Fine, I'll go talk to him, but I make no promises." With that, he barks and begins wagging his stumpy tail. Maul stays behind with Morrigan while I take off.

"What? No, I have no biscuit for you," I hear her say behind me. The woman's voice is annoyed. But after a plaintive whine, she groans in defeat. "Very well, just one." Even she is a sucker for a nice dog.

That's strange. He's not in his tent, and it's not his turn for guard duty yet. Wynne is sitting by the fire, warming her hands. Beside her is Leliana, cheerfully chirping about clothing. "Ladies, have you seen Alistair about?"

"Certainly." The old lady looks up and points to the surrounding trees behind her. "He went that way." Everything is back to normal between us. I'm very grateful Wynne isn't rubbing our night together in my face every chance she gets. We both just pretend it never happened.

"It has been a while since he came by though," the little redhead muses. "I hope he is alright. You look a bit sad, my friend. Is everything in order?"

No. "Of course. And you ladies?" I sit myself across from them. My bum smarts. Ow. "Anything special to report?"

"Oh, I was just telling Wynne that the next time we're in Denerim, we should go shopping!" Leliana beams. "I am dying to finally wear a nice dress again! Bright pink silk, what do you think?"

Why on Thedas is she asking _me_ that? "Pink sounds okay, but I think a nice powder blue would go lovely with your eyes." It's good to play along, so everyone will like you. And I do think blue would suit her better. Pink's a bit garish; a dress in that colour might end up wearing _her_. What? My pa was a tailor. I can't help it either.

"Oh, I agree!" Wynne nods enthusiastically. "You would look _darling_ in a blue dress, my dear."

Giggling happily, Leliana claps her hands. "Blue it is, then. Thank you for the suggestion."

"No problem. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see how Alistair is doing." I get up, trying not to wince at how tender my hindquarters are. "Good evening, ladies."

"Good evening!" the two exclaim in perfect unison. Ah, they're in such a good mood. It makes me feel slightly less shitty. Ever so slightly.

I quietly make my way through the trees Wynne pointed out, so I don't alarm the boy. It doesn't take me very long to find him. There he is sitting already, slumped over against a tree, his face pressed against his knees. Yet again it feels as if a cold fist is squeezing into my heart. It's completely my fault he's a mess right now. I crouch beside him. "Alistair?"

If looks could kill, I'd be very dead. "You! _Get away from me_." I've never heard him speak like this, with such acid in his words. Boy, I really screwed the pooch there. Poor thing looks like crap: puffy, bloodshot eyes, dried tears on his cheeks. A miserable look on his face.

"I really need to talk to you." I lay my hand on his shoulder, and he glares at it as if he is trying to make it explode with sheer willpower alone. "Please?"

"Why? So you can convince me that your ruining my life is for my own good?" he hisses. "I can make up my own fucking mind. _Now get lost_!" Without warning, his fist hits me square in the jaw.

I land on my back with hardly a sound. That was unexpected, but well-deserved. "Ow..."

"Oh, dear Maker, I'm so sorry!" Alistair hovers over me, regret in his eyes. As soon as he notices the blow he dealt me was non-lethal, the regret vanishes. "Well, you had it coming. You really hurt me."

"I know." I sit up, clutching my head. Everything is spinning. "Are you feeling a little better now?"

He makes his thinking noise. "Yes, actually."

"That's good." The world has finally decided to hold still. "Can we talk now?"

"I suppose." The boy narrows his eyes at me in a menacing fashion. "Say something that rubs me the wrong way and I'll clock you again!"

"Good to know." I touch my fingers to my jaw; ouch. "What you said, did you mean it? I mean, do you really..." I clear my throat. It's like I can't even say the word. "Do you really... love me?"

A long sigh rolls off his lips. "Did you really think I would say it if I didn't mean it? Yes, I really do love you. I have for a long time." He scoffs. "It was a big mistake to just come out and say it, seeing how I'm nothing more than just a toy to you."

"That's where you're wrong." I reach out my hand to softly stroke his cheek. "You do mean a lot to me, I just have trouble expressing myself, you know?"

"That's quite the understatement." He rolls his eyes. "So what is it exactly you want to tell me?"

Well, this is it. The big speech that's going to determine my happiness. I grab a firm hold of Alistair's hands. "I'm only going to tell you once, so listen well. Don't expect to ever hear these words again." I take a deep breath. Glib tongue, don't leave me now. "The truth is, I love you too. With all my heart. I just didn't know what the feeling was. I mean, do you know what I've been doing every night we spent together? I watched you sleep, I held you and sang to you. In short, I behaved like a lovesick fool, just never when you were aware of it. So if you'll have me, I will stay by your side for the rest of my life." There, I said it.

"That's so sweet," he sniffles, a lone tear trickling down his cheek. "A little creepy, but sweet. Of course I'll have you!" He flings his arms around me and pulls me close to his chest. "But why did you react like that?"

"Because the king of Ferelden needs a matching queen, and all the cosmetics and fancy dresses in Thedas couldn't help me pass for a woman."

My sweet Chantry boy laughs joyfully. "Well, like Maric, I can have as many lovers as I wish. But I think I'll just stick with one." He snickers under his breath. "And with you, there's no way I could ruin things with a royal bastard!"

I look into his eyes. He looks so happy. "So, you're giving this lowlife criminal another chance?"

"As many chances as you need." A loud smacking kiss is planted on my cheek. "How could I not, after all those things you just said?"

"Just so you know: if you ever tell anyone I said that," I wag my finger at him, "I'm going to kill you."

"No, you're not." That naughty tone has crept into his voice again. "So how will you keep me silent?"

I bury my face in his neck and deeply breathe in his scent. I'm home. "I can think of a few ways." While my fingers slip under his shirt to trace each and every curve and hollow of his upper body, my lips press fevered kisses along his jaw. There is nowhere else I would rather be right now. No one I would rather be with.

"Daveth?" he whispers softly, his voice full of emotion. I mumble a non-committal reply against his skin. "I love you."

There, that feeling again. Love. I untangle myself from around him, even though I would rather continue. Surely I can spend one more endearment on him. "Babe..." I smile and ruffle his hair. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

* * *

_So for those who guessed this was Daveth: well done. I would send you a cookie, but it would probably be crushed in transit. In retrospect, all my vague Warden stories are AU, I suppose. And this will probably not be the last one either. Daveth deserves more than a bad reaction to darkspawn juice.  
_


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